shofars and such

i don't think i have ever worshipped before. i know that sounds rather odd, but i had a simply smashing experience the other day, and i just feel like it's completely separate from anything i've ever done. and that is just it, it was not something i had done as an act of worship, it merely happened---i did not set out with any intent, nor did i have pretense of praise, i just felt something stir in a way that made me weep.

it started with a simple prayer. i prayed for a young man, who is earnestly seeking to find Truth. he is a dear friend who does not yet know Jesus, but will certainly soon! the Lord has given me a heart for him, and he has become quickly as a brother to me. at any rate, after praying together, i went to my car, and just felt absolute joy! my heart felt as though it were swelling and retracting, reaching farther and farther out almost in an attempt to touch the Lord's! i was immediately overwhelmed with this gratitude for what i see in this young fellow, his humility and gentle heart and they way he desires love, having not understood it in any remote piece of depth in all of his 22 years. i just begin to tremble with gratitude.

when i arrived at home, i placed a cd my friend Lisa had made for me into the mac, and sat down. within minutes my hands were cups of tears and i felt this immense desire to thank the Lord for everything, sincerely everything! not just His moving, or grace, but His presence in those things, and so much more! i felt a simple and weightless delight! i could actually feel the Lord standing behind me, picking up big chunks of nonsense that i'd been carrying, and then laying them aside. i can't even tell you what those things were, but the release of them was incredible! i felt joy in my heart for every living creature...i remember turning to my beautiful husband and realizing that before time began, the Uncreated One in His magnificence, thought to chisel and sculpt the fragments and slopes of a face and man that would make me smitten in love! he knew and thought of the most finite details. and that is just one example of a plethora that were before me on that evening.

i have asked for so long to feel gratitude, and there it was! i want more more more! and there was this amazing reciprocity of love, where as i worshipped under His graceful Spirit and influence, i knew He was moved in heart, even though He was the one orchestrating it! and as He was touched by me, He poured more and more into me. it was the single most divine thing...i can't even articulate it.

please pray, that our hearts would be full of gratitude, so that we may begin to enter into this romance of worship...and dig deeper and deeper into the well...